Waiting...

                                                               Source: homester.com.ua via Marina on Pinterest

I have been quietly waiting.

Well, my thoughts haven't been quiet but I have been trying to adhere to the old "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." But, I don't want my little space here to be a scrubbed and white washed version of my life.

The truth is: if you have been in this mid-move slump before, you understand. Or if you have ever waited for something or someone, you understand. You want that moment to just hurry-up-and-get-here-already!
The moment is almost here. We were supposed to leave this last Monday, but an extra class was added to my husband's schedule. After having a date on the calendar for so long {and counting down to that day} for so long, I have been a bit grumpy over the change. I am tired of living out of a suitcase. I am over not having my own space. (even though I am very grateful for the people who have sacrificed their own personal space so that we could invade it for a time.) I am mentally over being a single parent for the most part. (and I must say that while living with grandparents is amazing for the built-in babysitter and support but there is an exhaustion that comes with having to parent your child with full-time audience. Or is that just me?)
I am ready to get this show on the road.


We leave this Monday. We will live in a hotel for an extended period of time. I will be working and our little man will start pre-K. Large chunks of change will be hitting us at rocket speed and I know I shouldn't wish away this period of resting and waiting. But I am. With the exception of a special birthday celebration on Saturday, I fully admit that I am wishing away the weekend.
(And I will say that I am NOT looking forward to the trip overseas with a newly 4 year old, two Jack Russell Terriers, and 6 suitcases. With a 7 hour layover in New York. And a total of 18 hours. Yikes.)
Bring it on. I have been waiting long enough.

Hello, August.

Have you ever waited for something so long that when you were finally on the brink of it, you got scared? Just like those first impending pained of labor, my heart is gripped with the ebb and flow of fear and anticipation.

August is finally here. We move this month.

The beginning of fall has always been my favorite time of year. New changes come with the seasons turning cooler and school starting. And while the weather won't be turning cold for us, other changes will also come. My little man turns 4. He starts Pre-kindergarden. I anticipate going back to work full time. There will be no corner coffee stores, grocery stores or clothing stores.

And I am beyond excited.

Because this next month will be even more of a whirlwind than the last two months have been, I will {loosely} be participating in Susannah Conway's August Break by posting short, photo-based posts throughout the month of August. {will you join me?}

So, hello, August 2011. You are bound to be exciting.

Things to do when you are a Stay-at-home-in-someone-else's-home-Mom

Things to do when you are unemployed, dealing with extreme minimalism in the toy/distraction area, and living in someone else's house (who you really want to try to keep intact from sticky fingers):

• Discover public parks and spaces.
• Be a mini-tourist in the area in which you are staying. (Like find a real-life dairy farm and try driving a tractor!)
• Check out the night life and utilize your hosts as babysitters (thanks, grandparents!)
• Work that GPS! Don't get stuck inside...get a map and get out and about.
• Eat copious amounts of ice cream. (It's summer and I am essentially on vacation, right?)

Tunnel Vision and Situational Awareness

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In the police academy, one of the biggest things they warned us about what tunnel vision. In the context of police work, it was where you got focused on one thing and lost perspective of the risks around you. You could be on a traffic stop with a sweet old lady driver and not see the bad guy with a gun in the back seat. Or you could be focused on who you think is the biggest risk and not see the person on the side lines ready to deck you in the back of the head.

And when it comes to dealing with the emotions of being in the midst of change, I am fighting the tunnel vision. We are essentially half way through this transition period, living out of suitcases and moving those suitcases every so often. We don't know when we are flying to post. We will be living in a hotel for an undetermined amount of time when we get there. Will I be employed or not? The unknowns outweigh the knowns and my emotional tunnel vision easily settles into focusing on the frustrations of everything being up in the air. And the biggest problem with tunnel vision? It only heads in one direction: towards more danger. The farther you head down the tunnel, the less perspective you have and the harder it is to get out. And the tunnel vision of negativity is precisely that way.

So how do you combat the tendency to have tunnel vision? The key is perspective. (Also, the police academy thought us to not trust anyone, but that is a post for another day.) You have to make a conscience effort to stop and pay attention to your surroundings. In law enforcement, we called it situational awareness. Situational awareness pays attention to what is ahead and what is behind you. It concentrates on more than just the immediate moment. It pays attention to both logic and gut feelings.

Focus is a good thing... except when it isn't. I could focus on the fact that we will be living in guest bedrooms and hotel rooms for three months and be depressed about the lack of space, privacy or routine. But then I would miss the adventure. I would miss the fact that I am not the only person doing house work. I might only see the fact that my son's behavior is reflecting the upheaval in his little life but then I would miss the fact that I have extra hands to help. I could be upset that we won't be able to settle into our permanent home when we first get to Guyana but then I would miss the benefits of hotel living (no making my bed for a month? pool side dining where someone else does the dishes? I have to get a little excited!)

I am not a Pollyanna. (Chalk it up to the jaded mindset that is engrained in your when you become a cop.) I believe in being realistic and calling things like I see them. But the problem with tunnel vision is that it isn't a realistic view of what is going on in a situation. But I am ditching the narrowly focused tunnel of negativity and adopting a view of situational awareness. I am going to recognize this time in our journey for what it is: hard and challenging. But I am also going to expand my periphery to make sure I don't miss anything along the way!

{Friday Photos} Last Minute Preparations

Last minute tasks are easy to get done when you are blessed with a friend with an amazing playroom and you are listening to some fun podcasts. Laundry, packing and filling up gas tanks: we are off tomorrow!

Less is more...

{Skeldon Market, Guyana: Source}

Do you ever have a moment where you wish you were Julia Sugarbaker? You know, where you can come back with the perfect come-back, standing up for injustice or insult with eloquence and grace? I still soliloquize in my mind after these moments, knowing that I failed to respond in the correct amount of time to whatever set me off. I have had lots of these moments lately and the most have derived from comments relating to the assumed deprivation we will experience in our move to Guyana.

It is true: it is the 3^rd poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. We will experience heat without the promise of constant air conditioning. Roads are supposedly few and in disrepair. Movies, malls and material things are lacking or nonexistent. There will no longer be trips to stadium-sized book stores for playtime at the train table for my son and a Grande Mocha Latte for me.  No more impulse buys at Target or “Everything on Sale” sales. {And has anyone else noticed that everything is not on sale at these sales?}

But here is another truth: I am actually looking forward to these things (inconsistent air conditioning aside.) More specifically, I look forward to all the things and experiences that will fill the voids caused after removing the Targets and Starbucks from my daily routine. I hope to work in some capacity when we get there and I look forward to being a part of the humanitarian missions of the embassy, USAID or the Peace Corps going on around me. I look forward to learning how to pick out the best piece of fruit-I’ve-never-even-heard-of-yet at the farmer’s market. I can’t wait to smell the food being sold by the food carts on the street and from the open doorways of homes. Here, in America, our shopping experience is sterile and controlled. I want my senses to not be controlled by marketing but by the colors and sounds of the marketplace. What is in season? What is ripe this week? Will the lady selling her cassavas tell me her favorite recipe? Will a man at another booth sneak my son a bite of his mango? I hope so. And I venture to say that it will be these moments that will last longer in memories than the oh-so-cool-only-a-$1 junk we picked up at Target last week.

Yes, there will be many things that we will go without. In reality, thanks to the good ole’ internet, we will have access to almost anything. But when we make a purchase from Target or Amazon online, the choices and decisions will be more intentional. Yes, that means that there will be less stuff. But how much more will we be experiencing because of it?

{Sunday Dreaming} Mosquito Netting

                                     Source: blissfulb.blogspot.com via Keri on Pinterest

Sunday dreaming of how beautiful I picture our {mandatory} mosquito netting will be in our home... 

{I am ignoring the fact that they recommend soaking the nets in Deet before hanging them up...yuck...}

                           Source: milenachka.tumblr.com via Andrea on Pinterest

                                       Source: thebooandtheboy.com via BrownPaper on Pinterest

                         Source: sfgirlbybay.com via Michelle on Pinterest

A girl can dream, right?

My Not to Do List

                                                                             Source: julia.blogg.se via Megan on Pinterest

I am a list maker... And, with a huge transition and move in front of us, I have lists everywhere. Written lists in my day planner. A moving notebook with check lists. Springpad is my new best friend. And on nights like tonight, the evening before my week "officially" starts (does it ever really end when you stay at home?), my mind is mentally preparing for all that I need to do this week.

But after reading this post over on The Creative Mama, I have decided to create a second list in my journal this week: things I am not doing. I am starting tomorrow by making coffee for a friend and doing nothing but catching up on our weekends. I am also choosing to donate the remainder of the items that I was going to try to sell on Craigslist: the hassle and time lost is not worth it with everything that must remain on the to-do list...

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By choosing to not do something, I am making a statement about what means the most to me. I recognize that  I don't do "Good-bye" well. I tend to leave with little fanfare, leaving the "goodbyes" and "You meant a lot to me" unsaid. So, this week, I am choosing to let certain chores go by the wayside in order to spend quality time with a friend. And I will let a couple of dollars go unearned in order to have some extra time to spend a couple of hours at the beach with my son...

My beginning-of-the-week list has never looked so good...